03 March 07 - 23:13Always That Time of Month
After major discussions with my fellow co-workers at The Syndicate and our publishers, we have decided to switch from our biweekly format to a monthly format. Simple enough, right? Since this is a free publication in every sense of the word and advertising dollars have been thin as of late, this is definitely the best decision. I mean, we can only fill every issue with so many ads for masseuse services and female companionship. With that said, we usher in this new era of monthly publishing of The Syndicate with a story about a man known as the Screaming Magnet Man, who does what he does in front of Mann's Chinese Theater. Franky D delivers the goods on that one. Now that we have a more realistic plan to execute, I'm now looking forward to you guys reading and posting! Until April showers!
J.B. (Sherman Oaks, CA)
14 January 07 - 19:33Resolutions, smesolutions...
Happy New Year, folks! I can't believe that we're still a newspaper, and we have noone to blame except for you our loyal readers. You might have noticed some minor changes on the website. The big shots in newspaper journalism, such as the L.A. Times and the Wall Street Journal (yes, THE Wall Street Journal) have tinkered with the look of their newspapers in an attempt to gain more readers and stay relevant, so we at The Syndicate figured that "monkey see, monkey do".
Like those two fine dailies (and others as well), I will do my best to make The Syndicate more responsible and accountable for what we print in our biweekly fishwrap version and online version. As a result, we replaced the counter with a public service announcement. Although, that PSA may be replaced with even more random images, if the price is right! BTW, I'd like to dispell the rumor that the reason we did this was because our webmaster Buford botched things up (like the Chargers' Eric ...
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30 December 06 - 19:44Agent 2007: Shaking and Stirring
My real job as a junior high school teacher has kept me a busy boy. Yes, we at The Syndicate have to work real gigs to make ends meet, but I just don't know what they are. Foxy and friends are probably doing something for the CIA. Top secrect, hush, hush stuff. You know how it is. Like they say, if I tell you they'd have to kill you! Don't know Franky D and Moe Mack do when they're not busting their ends to write about things that weird people like them, me, and all of our regular loyal readers (even you, "STL Diirty" and Goat Sucker!). But, it can't be more interesting than the stories that they're covering.
Last issue, Franky D started to address a recently developing problem that has been plaguing athletes, the ever wretched Guitar Hero Curse! If only Scandinavia got access to our humble little tout sheet. But, they don't. So one of their national heroes had to pay the price. D's got it covered. As for Mack, he has too stories that boggle the mind so much, that not even the Weekly World News ...
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01 December 06 - 17:38Happy Hatordays
Yes, you read that headline correctly! Ever since Long Beach Poly upset my alma mater, Notre Dame High a few weeks back in the CIF Playoffs. Oh well. The Valley paid back the LBC a couple of days ago when Burbank police officers arrested icon/Poly alum Snoop Dogg shortly after he appeared on Jay Leno. Come to think about it, the more famous Notre Dame- the one with the pissed off leprecaun mascot and golden helmets- also received some payback since Snoop was wearing a USC jersey with wide receiver standout Dwayne Jarrett's numero tres on it. Jarrett had the most appropriate reaction when he heard that the Doggfather was sporting his jersey: "Man."
Speaking of rapper's in trouble with the law, Franky D continues to go where few writers have dared to go by continuing his beat on A.O. The more I read about Mr. Ong's antics, the more interested I get. The mainstream press can have K-Fed. We at The Syndicate know where we get our bread buttered!
After experiencing a mental lapse from ...
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15 November 06 - 00:15Jive Turkeys
My real job- as a Social Studies teacher- in one of the Valley's junior high schools- has kept me from executing my editing duties as of late. Add to the mix a recent surprise weekend visit from my future in-laws, Ted and Evelyn from Chicagoland, and you can see why the print edition of this issue of
The Syndicate could fit into a pamphlet. That's the personal price I pay for falling in love with a Polish-Greek Cubbie fan.
Anyway, nobody reading this publication, especially our sponsors, don't want to read about rantings on my personal life. So here's what's on tap this issue. The rapper A.O. got himself into a pickle at the time of last's issues printing and distribution, and we weren't able to publish that story- which was broken by Frank D'Alessandro- in time. Franky D's been stepping up as of late. In addition to that story, he also oversaw and edited Moe Mack's story about one of the crappiest jobs out there. What could that be you might ask? ...
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30 October 06 - 22:02Dressed Up As A Newsstand Publication for Halloween!
"GEORGE W. BUSH!" Is that the scariest phrase since "One, two, Freddie's coming after you"? It is for a lot of people, such as these two college kids from Long Beach who have a little too much time on their hands. The Syndicate's resident errand monkey Moe Mack has that story. He's also been gracious enough to start up what will hopefully be a regular column for us- The Idiot Box. Read this new column about television at your own risk and see if your brain cells survive the paragraphs! The same goes for Johnny Chingas' story about his day at the park turned hellish! If commercials have taught me anything, it's that you don't want to mess with the Aflac duck and his crew.
That's all that we have for you in this third issue since much of our staff is taking Halloween off to do their own things. And, I heard that they want Election Day off too. Don't forget to forget to vote, slackers!
You'll actually get more advertising than articles, so we're actually looking like a real ...
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14 October 06 - 18:18Still In (and Out) of Contention
We're midway through October, and I'm actually amazed that we're still
around and kicking. I can't say the same for the Dodgers, Yankees, or
A's. Especially the A's. Their recent elimination after dropping the
American League Championship Series in four straight games to the
Detroit Tigers hit Moe Mack the hardest since Oakland is his favorite
team. So, I can understand that he felt too depressed to submit that
usually mandatory second article for this second edition of
The Syndicate.
Now if he used a lame excuse, like he had to attend a wedding, bar
mitzvah, or funeral, then I would've put my foot into that slacker's
end. But at least he was able to annoy one of my neighbors into revealing the
possible existence of a national sports information insiders ring. It's
all good "Triple P". My "2004 Bronze Medalists" will still take your
"Punjab Poontang Poppers" to school this fantasy hoop season!
As an avid Dodger fan, I had lot of time to get over my team's early
and ...
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30 September 06 - 00:19Born in a Time of Uncertainty
The Free Agent News Syndicate
is officially up and running! But it shouldn't have had to be this way.
We (Frank D'Allesandro, Edward Fox, Johnny Chingas, and I) used to be
the Trying To Be News
staff before our editor Max Smith disappeared and we were unexplicably
disbanded shortly thereafter.
I'm still dumbfounded by that quite frankly, but life goes on. That's
all I feel like saying about that. Besides,
if the search for our now-missing editor is conducted in the
same manner as the legendary Black Dahlia murder investigation then
it'll probably be awhile before we find out anything about good 'ol
Max. So I won't be holding my breath. Maybe he and his mistress (our
former secretary Myra at Trying To Be News)
turned into a federal snitch and is now in hiding at some ...
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