Screaming Magnet Man a Riot in Hollywood

By: Frank D’Alessandro, Free Agent News Syndicate

(HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA) The Grauman’s Chinese Theater (originally known as the Mann’s Chinese Theater until 2001) is known for hosting a numerous amount of movie premiers throughout its history. It is also known for the costumers that parade in front of the entrance ranging from Sesame Street’s Big Bird to Star Wars’ Chewbacca. Lately a new face has emerged on the historic landmark. This character is all original: a complete nut job, but full of fun.

Screaming Magnet Man, or SMM for short, is a young adult of moderate height, who dresses in a bar magnet costume. His antics include: dancing the Macarena, singing songs ranging from the internet sensation “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” to Tony Bennett’s “I Left My Heart in San Francisco”, dribbling a beach ball, BBQing, and toting an unloaded super soaker.

“I’m surprised the magnet guy has never been arrested,” says Yohan Isliti. “The other day the police arrested a Chewbacca, because he harassing women. The Magnet guy chases women into the subway with a Super Soaker. That’s pretty wack.”

Recently there was a break-dance battle between SMM, The Tin Man of “The Wizard of Oz”, Elmo, Richard Nixon, and Roseanne. The judges were ex-NBA athlete, Latrell Sprewell, Run DMC member Joseph “DJ Run” Simmons, and popular actress/singer Liza Minnelli. Elmo managed to pull off an upset, by mimicking his smaller battery powered likeness “Tickle Me Elmo”, which went over with DJ Run and Minnelli. SMM himself was cheered for heavily, but only managed to finish 3rd behind Richard Nixon and Elmo. Roseanne (not the real person, but a close likeness) tried “her” best and The Tin Man bent his costume and had to exit the contest in discontent.

People in general have been satisfied with the antics of SMM. One person stated that she plans to create a SMM action figure and shirt, as soon as she gets SMM’s consent. Another person was even satisfied with SMM’s cooking ability.

“On Tuesday SMM was cooking up some hot dogs,” says Dan McFadden. “He had a chef’s apron on that said ‘I Love Faraday’s Law’. I thought that was funny. Those hot dogs were really good, they were only a dollar too!”

[J.B. Says: A Hollyweird dance off between various impersonators and judged by actual celebrities? Not even in my wildest dreams! But while we’re on the subject, I’d really like to see Eddie Murphy’s two main characters from Norbit choke to death while participating in a hot dog eating contest! Norbit. Now there’s a film that I wouldn’t wish on my own worst enemy!]