Intelligence Design on the Sporting World

By: Moe Mack, Free Agent News Syndicate

Sherman Oaks, CA- To say that the self-proclaimed “Punjab Poontang Popper”, who requested that his real identity and age be withheld, loves his rotissiere basketball leagues would be an understatement. When he recently read in the Daily News sports section about the vehicular shooting involving Indiana Pacers player Stephen Jackson outside an Indianapolis strip club, he couldn’t hold back his glee and boasted that this piece of information would help in his general assessment of NBA talent in his league’s upcoming draft. Popper, also nicknamed “Triple P”, claimed knowledge of the incident hours before the story was broadcast on Sports Center and published in the newspapers. “The Nostradamus Connection did it for me again. They know someone who does pole-wiping duty at the Club Rio” the four year fantasy hoop owner said matter-of-factly. This, he believes will be his secret weapon for winning his first ever league title.

The Nostradamus Connection, named after the 16^th century writer of prophecies, is the unofficial moniker of secretive nationwide information network whose hired contacts do whatever is necessary, short of harassment, to follow professional athletes outside the arenas and stadiums. “I’m not going to tell you how I was introduced to Nostradamus and, to be very frank, I don’t know who’s behind it,” Triple P stated defensively. His personal connection to this organization did mention that it is funded by a myriad of individuals who supposedly have the resources and connections to pull off such a sophisticated operation. A diverse group of confidential informants (including lackeys from venue employees, sports agent offices, hotel employees, groupies, and even entourage members) provide these network of gamblers and fantasy sports fanatics the insider’s information that they’re craving. They’re also willing to entertain their clients.

“The most amusing story that my connection told me was about a certain NBA player,” Popper began. “This waitress at a club in Las Vegas told him that she saw this player pick up on this lady. He didn’t say a word or introduce himself. All he did was stick his tongue in that lady’s ear, and they left the club together. Just like that!”

The highly confident fantasy owner told this story on the condition that the identity of the player and his team not be revealed since, apparently, there is a strict code of conduct involving anonymity. It isn’t about respecting players’ privacy as much as it is about keeping a low profile. But this unwritten code has served the shot-callers at the Nostradamus Connection well since they have yet to get themselves into any legal trouble for their activities.

“It’s perfectly fine to mention generalities,” said Triple P, who admitted that he’s motivated to respect this code by the pursuit of his very first championship. “But the moment that everyone starts running their mouth out in the open about this player or that player, the system dries up. And, I sure as hell can’t have that! Hell, man! My league doesn’t even know that I have this on me. They think I access the same websites and magazines that they do!”

[EDITOR’S NOTE: You must be a really desperate fantasy sports owner or gambler if your heart skipped a beat while reading this article. Use your head! Famous people, like professional athletes, have publicists and bodyguards to prevent potentially embarrassing information from being uncontrollably leaked out to the public. If you want to win your bets and/or matchups, then there’s no substitute for knowing your stuff and being just plain lucky!]