Throwing Down the Hood

By Moe Mack, Free Agent News Syndicate

Glendale, CA- People wearing turbans can breathe a sigh of relief for now. This month, hooded sweaters and shirts- better known as ‘hoodies’- have temporarily covered the head of “The Most Dangerous Fashion Accessory” list.

Football analyst Mike Ditka praised suit-wearing head coach Mike Nolan of the San Francisco 49ers at the expense of his gray-hooded counterpart Bill Belichick from the three-time Super Bowl champion New England Patriots and referred to the latter’s choice of sideline attire as “crap”.

Across the Atlantic, rap artist/hood aficionado Lady Sovereign felt obliged to launch her “Save the Hoodie” campaign and website (SaveTheHoodie.com) in response to her favorite piece of clothing being banned in shopping centers throughout Great Britain. The Londoner stated in her press release that the hoodie “has been getting the blame for everything from anti-social behaviour to criminal activities.”

America’s past relationship with hoods, from the Ku Klux Klan to the Unabomber, doesn’t help the overall reputation of the hoodie either. But is it being negatively stereotyped? It depends on who you ask.

“The Grim Reaper’s used to it I figure,” said the 81-year old local cemetery employee/designated Death representative Jacob Gallows. “Though considering that he’s just bones and carries a scythe with him, I think he has bigger problems than his wardrobe. I mean, Death’s still Death even if he changed into an Armani getup. Hell, he’d still scare me!”

While contemplating that surprisingly deep thought, I went to a nearby convenience store to buy a lottery ticket and asked Peter the clerk, who happened to be wearing a burgundy hoodie. “It’s not as bad as one of those stupid Bill Clinton or George Bush masks. At least I have a chance of IDing a robber to the police if he has a hood over his head,” he said. “The cameras can pick up their faces too.” We both smiled and nodded at his observation when I noticed that my new friend was also sporting a turban on his head. I then smiled wider and decided to add a cup of hot chocolate and today’s edition of a ‘real’ newspaper to my lottery ticket purchase.

A turban and a hoodie? Damn.

[EDITORS NOTE: Frank D’Alessandro here with a small comment. If fastened correctly, a turban can easily fit under the smallest of hoodies. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!]