My To Do List (Inspired by the great Edward Fox)

By: Frank D’Alessandro, Free News Agent Syndicate

(CULVER CITY, CALIFORNIA) Since Foxy and J.B. made a list of goals they wish to accomplish sometime soon, I shall be among them. Here is my “to do” list:

1. Find Jimmy Hoffa’s body.

2. Buy Popeye’s chicken and eat it at a KFC.

3. Watch a Lakers or Clippers home game on T.V. and if the score is close near the 4^th quarter, drive to the Staples Center, buy tickets, and witness the last 5 minutes live.

4. Ghost ride a horse and buggy with Amish people, and the horse of course

5. Trick non-English speaking tourists into bathing in the La Brea Tar Pits, thinking that they are outdoor mud baths.

6. Drive fast enough to get pulled over by a cop, use an excuse that I have to vomit, then proceed to vomit on the officer.

7. Go on a date with Omarosa from The Apprentice.

8. Turn my car into a scraper, then go offroading in the desert.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Looks like New Year’s Day came early this year thanks to what Foxy and his “Points of No Reason” column started. But, we at The Syndicate are obligated to state that this fictitious list is brought to you by no one in particular; especially since Popeye’s and KFC would avoid us like bird flu.]