The Story of D’Alessandro

By: Sam Sao’maoloa, Good Morning Samoa!

Francesco “Frank” D’Alessandro was born on March 6^th, 1977 to a Jewish mother and Italian father. Raised in Brooklyn, New York. D’Alessandro showed an incredible interest in rap/hip-hop music since he was first exposed to artist LL Cool J at the age of six. “I saw him on the streets break dancing in front of the police and from that point on I wanted to be a rap musician,” D’Alessandro recalls. “Wait, why was I in Queens in the first place?” However, an incident that took place in D’Alessandro’s senior year in high school changed his direction in life. “I was promoting a rap album with Joey Fatone. We were supposed to perform a song at graduation, when he stood me up. No one was able to contact him for a few weeks. When I finally got a hold of him, he told me that he was in Florida and met up with some friends to make a music group that plans to enslave young girls. I think he was joking, about the enslaving part. From then on I couldn’t get my rap music together. I stopped a few months later before I started college.” Joey Fatone was a member of the apparently defunct boy band N-SYNC.

D’Alessandro attended THE Ohio State University and graduated in four years with a degree in English. After he graduated in 1999, D’Alessandro was hired by the Chicago-Sun Times and published editorial columns on a slew of topics ranging from parenting to sports.

In 2001, D’Alessandro was fired by the Chicago-Sun Times for writing a column, which bashed his neighbor. D’Alessandro’s neighbor apparently had a very loud television, which was so loud that it prevented him from getting sleep at night. Even after an altercation, nothing changed. D’Alessandro proceeded to write a column amplifying every negative aspect about his neighbor. What D’Alessandro wasn’t supposed to do was mention his neighbor by name. His neighbor was Steve Bartman.

After he was fired by the Chicago-Sun Times, D’Alessandro packed his bags and moved back to Brooklyn, hoping he could get a job writing for the Brooklyn Daily Eagle. His hometown newspaper rejected him. D’Alessandro was stuck working numerous jobs, ranging from a hot dog vendor to a stunt double in the highly acclaimed pornographic film Backdoor Sluts #9.

In late 2005, D’Alessandro met Edward Fox in New York City, while walking by a lingerie store that Fox worked at. Fox was, at the time, working as a store manikin. “I found it quite odd to see an actual person working as a manikin… a lingerie manikin,” says D’Alessandro. When Edward Fox was hired by the online newspaper, Trying to be News, he and Jerome Bautista, who D’Alessandro met at a summer camp in Marquette, Michigan back in 1989, extended an invitation to D’Alessandro to write for the newspaper. D’Alessandro accepted and to this day Trying to be News is his current employer.