Interview with Charles Barkley

By: Frank D’Alessandro, Trying To Be News

D’Alessandro: So Sir Charles, what’s going on?

Barkley: I got a question for you Frank.

D’Alessandro: Ok cool, go ahead and ask me.

Barkley: If all babies are cute, how come there are so many ugly people in the world?

D’Alessandro: Charles, you’ve already asked that on your show, and I really have no answer for that. Now it’s my turn to ask the questions. A few weeks ago I visited Karl Malone at his ranch in Arkansas and he notified me about his missing monster truck. Malone told me that they have spotted his Power Forward monster truck at a pre-school, in your hometown Leeds, Alabama. I’m asking you, Charles Barkley, if you know anything or have anything to do with this.

Barkley: Look, Mr. D’Al… whatever. I took his monster truck, okay? Every year we play practical jokes on each other and he probably forgot about it.

D’Alessandro: Why did you give the monster truck to kids in a pre-school?

Barkley: They needed a coloring book… my bad, a giant canvas.

D’Alessandro: The monster truck is not a giant canvas.

Barkley: Look at my shoes Frank. These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.

D’Alessandro: What does this have to do with Karl Malone’s monster truck being painted on at a pre-school in your hometown?

Barkley: Who cares, Karl will just drive it back to a body shop and get a new paint job like he does every year.

D’Alessandro: This interview has gone to hell.

Barkley: You know it's gone to hell, when the best rapper out there is a white guy and the best golfer is a black guy.

D’Alessandro: I’m going back to New York City…

Barkley: I love New York City… I've got a gun.

D’Alessandro: You know this interview will appear on a newspaper on the internet. Aren’t you worried about what people will think of you?

Barkley: I don't care what people think. People are stupid.

D’Alessandro: This interview is really damaging your character.

Barkley: I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.

D’Alessandro: Okay then, I won’t have regrets when this is published on the internet. By the way Charles, you do have character. You have more character than the new generation of basketball players that kids look up to. These new basketball players are giving monotone interviews, and it sounds like someone is putting words into their mouths. Charles, I want you to keeping doing what you’re doing on TNT, because you make America laugh. This interview is done.

For a list of some of the hilarious quotes of Sir Charles Barkley visit:

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Charles_Barkley