When Animals Attack: The Onslaught of the Whacky Ducks

By: Johnny Chingas, Free News Agent Syndicate

From the ferocious Mountain Lion to the slithery, venomous Rattlesnake to the unpredictable Tasmanian Devil, it is difficult to predict when animals will attack. I was at the park catching a few sun rays, munching on a bag of delicious pork grinds, and breathing the fresh air. The beautiful green trees gave way to some shade. There was absolute tranquility as I over looked a large pond at the center of the park and laid back on my lawn chair reminiscing about the past. A pair of parakeets covered in blue, black and grey feathers sat at the edge of a tree branch chirping a loveable lullaby; I was in absolute peace. Then suddenly the creature slowly approached. He swiggled or waggled his way toward me. After our eyes met, he gave me a dirty look then yelled at me. “Quack!” It was apparent then that the duck was looking at my bag of pork rinds. So this is what he wanted. I jumped to my feet and pulled at his curved beak then pinched his small tail. Now, I wish someone would have told me that doing this would only make him more ‘angry’. I did not know he also had back up. Five whacky ducks then rushed me. They bit at my ankles and pecked several times at my buttocks. I was clearly outmatched, outmaneuvered by a pack of quirky ducks. They took my bag of pork rinds, so I headed back home.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: I never recalled Daffy and Donald being that violent in their heyday. But just like those two cartoon loons, this story is a work of fiction. After all, most people would have those ducks for dinner if they tried to pull a stunt like that. Sheet!]